Yes, yes. I know I don’t think and reflect a lot because I get impatient and give up after a while. It’s frustrating, every minute the thoughts inside my head increase and I don’t have enough time for all of them. So, this midnight I’ll just try to write every single thing that pops into my mind.
- I’ll be the one breaking up with my friend’s
boyfriendgirlfriend today. I’m excited not because I’m gonna hurt someone but because my friend, after a long time, will be happy. I think she deserves it. Every single day, they have bitch fights and she keeps on crying because, you know, it hurts. But I also think they shouldn’t break up ‘cause they’ve been through so much and if they’ll just throw it all away, their time and efforts will just go to waste. I’ll be doing this because she can’t do it. She loves the guygirl, but she thinks it’s too much already. Every time she tries to leave, she convinces her to stay and the cycle goes on. Blah. Ugh, like now. She’s getting confused if she’s really gonna leave. Make up your mind, woman. I already told you to think about it first. You made your decision, and I’m here ready to do it. But if you think it’s not the right time yet, okay. Some other time. But you have to let him change or else… I don’t know about him. He says we’ve already broken up. But then again, he told me last Sunday that he was sorry that he wasn’t my boyfriend yet. (I know we were a couple already. He was supposed to court me again on March 8, so I guess he thought that we weren’t yet since it isn’t March 8 yet and shit. Okay.) Confusing. Anyway, let’s pretend he was my boyfriend. I told myself that if we broke up, I won’t be hurt that much because I already knew from the start that we won’t last for long. I accepted the fact that people do break up no matter how much they love each other, maybe because of some circumstances, by fate or by choice. But there are people who still stood strong despite every obstacle and difficulty thrown their way. Who fought for each other when there isn’t much to fight for. Who loved each other no matter what. I admire those people, and I pray (literally) that someday, I’d have a partner whom I’d never have to let go, who’d stand by my side and be with me through every hardship we encounter.
- I have plenty of fears. For me. For him. For us. But I guess these fears are coming true. What did I do wrong? Did I think of them too much that they became real? Was everything I did not enough? Whatever, it’s already there.
Did he really love me? I have no idea. It’s not actually a big deal for me, ‘cause you can’t force anyone to love a person if they don’t want to or they can’t. It’s just like giving a vegan meat. But that silly question keeps on popping in my mind every second or so. I did, love him. But it’s a waste of everything if he didn’t. It’s up to him. I’ll let him be. If doesn’t want me, need me, or like me anymore then I’ll just leave. Why make it hard for him if we already know how this ends? *Wink, wink* Good luck finding a girl who’d love you as much as I did. I cried because of you. Plenty of times already. For the efforts I made. For almost everything. For the love you can’t even reciprocate, and even if you did, won’t be sufficient. I thought we could make it, but I was wrong. I could, but you? Not so much. I pray for you every night. I ask God to keep you safe. To make you happy, if your happiness isn’t with me. To make us okay. I love you.
- It hurts, but not too much.
- I am so frustrated with myself.
- There are people who come into our life when we least expected them to and they turn out to be one of the best things that could ever happen to us.
- Life isn’t always what we hoped for. Difficulties add spice to it. If everything is too easy, there’s something wrong.
- Good morning. I’m not done with my project yet.